The Lessons of 2017 and Life on Purpose in 2018:
As I began to consciously unravel my 2017 using Susannah Conway’s ‘Unravel Your Year Workbook’ it became clear that I had allowed 2017 to just happen to me, rather than with any intention. At first I switched into critical mode, berating myself for allowing an entire 365 days to just happen. I cried, slipped into a bit of a dark place and then became aware that I had also suppressed a whole lot of my feelings, things that need to be felt.
It was during the tears and moments of intense emptiness that I was reminded of the need to feel our way, rather than keep stuffing the feelings down deep inside. They will one day demand to be felt. I know this all too well, in practice it is harder than it sounds though.
Yet again I managed to mostly stuff it all deep inside for an entire year. Cracks did appear at times, there were tears and anger and painful outbursts in 2017. For the most part though it was a year of shielding myself from the pain that at times threatens to completely drown me.
As I slowly unravelled the year, a theme emerged. I struggled to recall any intense or memorable feelings. Numbness had settled so comfortably and this has clearly become my defence against all of the pain. It is a perfectly natural response, and one that can be all too easy to slip into.
Our move to the Central Coast one year ago was a wise and welcomed one, it also became a way to isolate and protect myself. Motherhood and my career have been my comfort places, and anything else of any substance has been ignored. I have lost myself again and although this is familiar, it is also a little frustrating.
How could 365 days have passed without me living on purpose? Quite easily it seems …
Of course there is a great depth of purpose to my parenting and my career, both of these things I do consider huge achievements. Are they enough on their own though?
Is there more that I want to achieve beyond these things?
Is there more that you want to achieve beyond these things?
Life does not have to be about grand and lofty plans and goals. Living with purpose and intention can be smaller and slower, the latter appeals to me much more at this time of my life!
Although 2017 needed to happen this way, I have naturally been critical on reflection, do you find that this is your default too? A little balanced critiquing of your past year is fine, just don’t let it become all that you are taking with you into the new year.
I can honestly say that there is a lesson to be found in every hurt, loss, mistake, hurdle, darkness. The beauty in this is that we know we don’t have to be perfect.
Allow it to become the lessons that you are taking with you into your new year and your future.
In 2017 …
♡ I have learned that some days the bare minimum is plenty
♡ I have learned that you won’t always know why someone disappears from your life
♡ I have learned that there is still more to be done about the stigma of mental illness
♡ I have learned that I really fucking hate cancer more and more each time it takes someone too soon
♡ I have learned that parenting is the biggest thing I will ever do
♡ I have learned that kindness is the best therapy
♡ I have learned that if you don’t love your body you will lose your mojo
♡ I have learned that no dream is too big
♡ I have learned that everything is as it should be in each and every moment
♡ I have learned that a sea change or any major change is possible if you really truly want it
What was your greatest lesson from 2017?