My lately has been FILLED with lessons, literally overflowing .. some days I think that my head and my heart may explode. It is a mix of painful and light-bulb style lessons. I have come to accept and welcome the abundance of lessons that life presents to me, it is the light and the darkness and the life changing experiences that allow me to constantly evolve, share so much with others and gain the deepest insights into myself as well as my purpose in life.
A friend (more of an acquaintance) once sent me a message on Facebook .. “Gosh Lisa, you are always in some sort of terrible life event, I hope that the year ahead is less drama and more peace for you.” I realised at that point, how others sometime see those of us who embrace the intense times as well as the supposed ‘peaceful’ times. I am not a fan of drama and it is not something I crave, my spirituality, self acceptance and self love mean that I mindfully avoid this type of experience. It may appear from the outside that some of my darker times are rather dramatic, to me they are a part of living authentically. To interpret them as ‘drama’ does not do them justice.
As I am sure is the case with most people, the pursuit of love and the experience of our relationships has been the greatest source of learning, growth and self awareness. I honestly believe that until we have truly accepted and embraced the learnings that we need in love, relationships will continue to teach us. It may be your marriage, your ‘failed’ or past relationships, your lack of any relationships .. whatever is still evolving is doing so because you have more lessons to learn.
I absolutely respect whatever is right for every human being in regards to love and relationships. I respect that some people are deeply happy and fulfilled with their school sweetheart, their best friend, their equal, their opposite .. or with being single. I have learned to let go of judging anyone else by their relationship status, I only wish that more people would let this go too! I am surrounded by people in traditional marriages with two children, long term relationships and also people in relationships that they know are not authentic, I hold judgement on them all. (I encourage you to do the same, a life with less judgement is life with more joy!)
As a 40 year old woman .. (who still feels 30!) who has never been married, I am often in the minority. It bothered me during my 30s, it also taught me more about myself in my 30s than I could have imagined though. I trust the process, I rise and grow into my higher self with every experience, with every break in my heart that cracks me open even more. Lately, the lessons have come from some of the darkest times and as I process the depths of the darkness privately, I intend to share the lessons publicly, so that anyone else currently in the darkness knows that they are not alone. Trust in your process, take your time, and be open to your lessons.
Top 5 Lessons Learned Lately:
♡ If your relationship becomes toxic, damaging or scary in any way .. it is time to walk away. It may be a painful decision, in the long run it is most likely to be more damaging to stay though. There are fine lines in our lives, around what is acceptable. I read this quote recently that fits perfectly right here: “Make a mistake once, it’s a lesson. Make a mistake twice, it’s a choice.”
♡ Everyone deserves a second chance. (except for the extreme cases!) Echoed in that last quote, making a mistake and learning from it can be one of our greatest lessons in life. However, not taking that lesson and applying it to something as precious as a human being, that is a choice. Being given a second chance by someone is one of the greatest gifts in life.
♡ Even if you are the most compassionate, supportive and giving person, there will be times when you simply run out of love and compassion or a circumstance is beyond your control. If you are being pushed beyond your limits, if your values are consistently being tested and compromised, if you have done everything in your power to support someone and it is not making a difference, it is perfectly OK to walk away. It will be hard, it will take every little bit of strength and resilience you can muster, you will be OK though.
♡ Swearing, hate filled words and insults are not a part of a healthy, love filled relationship. It is not OK to hurt the people you love with words that provide a short term ‘fix’ for deeper issues. The way that this makes a person feel can never be erased, decide where you draw the line in this area of your relationships .. and remember: we accept the love we think we deserve.
♡ Authenticity, honesty, integrity and grace are all traits and values that will improve your relationships, and your life in general. Focus on what these might mean for you. Authenticity and honesty for me are about being transparent in all areas of my life, never lying and always respecting my values. Integrity is all about honouring my values, respecting and honouring the values of others, and avoiding anything toxic, inappropriate or offensive to my values. Grace is about choosing my words and my actions carefully, forgiving my self, behaving with grace and encouraging others to do the same.
Have you had any amazing lessons learned through your own experience of love and relationships?